The Last One

For Tristan and I’s last conversation, we met with Chris Appelman and his conversation partner as well because our partners knew each other. We figured that it would be a good opportunity to get more perspectives on issues that we talked about and possibly spark some new conversations. Tristan and Chris’s partner are both from China, but different areas of China. We all got a table in the BLUU and ate together for lunch. The conversation started with us talking about our plans for Thanksgiving break. Chris and I are leaving Fort Worth – I am going to South Texas and Chris is going back home to Boston. Both of our partners are staying in Fort Worth for the holiday. I felt a little bad because they couldn’t go home, I’m sure they wanted to be with their families because they have been away from them for so long. I thought that being away from my family that’s in New York is hard, I can’t imagine being away from my family for months on end while in a different country. I hope that Tristan has someone to eat a Thanksgiving dinner with. I asked him and he said that he should have plans and I hope those plans go through because no one should eat alone on Thanksgiving.

            From there, our conversation was extremely regular – like four good friends getting lunch together like they do every week. There were no times where I felt awkward for having nothing to talk about and our conversation seemed to flow from topic to topic. We bounced from shopping, to traveling, to music and Christmas gifts.

            What specifically interested me was our conversation on Christmas gifts. Apparently, they had never gotten their families Christmas gifts for the holidays and they were confused as to what they would buy their parents if they had to get them something. They were not accustomed to kin buying their own parents gifts for Christmas. So they asked Chris and me questions on what we get our siblings and our parents. Somewhat ashamed, I had to admit that I don’t actually buy my parents anything while Chris explained the kinds of gifts he usually gets his parents for Christmas. Then it was my turn to try and justify why I don’t buy my parents anything and to try and explain the system my family uses for gifts. My parents never want anything for Christmas. They tell my siblings and I never to get them anything, so we don’t. What happens is that my dad will buy my mom a gift and put all of our names on it, so no one has to compete over who got my mom the better gift. The same system is used when my mom buys my dad a gift. I don’t think that they quite understood the system, but it was worth a shot.

            Then we got on the topic of fake IDs somehow. I think it was because Tristan knows someone who might be interested in buying The Lab, a bar nearby. They were so intrigued by the fact that a lot of American students have fake IDs and wanted to know more about them. I talked to Chris about it afterwards and he said that his partner has brought up the subject before. I wonder why they are so interested in them. Maybe they want one? I don’t know, but I think that it is interesting that they are so interested in the subject.

            I must say that this conversation did not go as deep as Tristan and I’s conversations tend to be, but I thoroughly enjoyed this conversation equally to Tristan and I’s past conversations. I found myself laughing much more than I usually do, which was strange to me. No one said anything that was particularly funny to me, I just found myself laughing sometimes for no reason. It made me realize that laughter really is a social activity. I wouldn’t have laughed if I had just been talking with Tristan but because there were more people, I found myself laughing much more than normal. I guess it’s just because I wanted to share my joy and happiness with the people around me and make them feel as I was feeling as well. After all, humans are social beings and part of socialization is making people adapt to your norms. If my norm was laughter at that point, in my opinion it makes sense that I would try and get others to laugh as well.

            After I had left the BLUU I had realized how upset I was that it was my last conversation with Tristan. I immediately made it my job to make sure that it wasn’t the last time I got to talk to him. I texted Tristan after we parted and told him that if he ever had a performance, he needed to text me and let me know about it. I wanted to be in the audience. I also told him that if he ever needed anything to not hesitate to text me. I reflected back on our experiences together and could not be happier with the outcome and the process. I always felt like after we met I was happier and in a better mood than I was in before we met. I am grateful that I now have another friend and also thankful for the experience that allowed me to grow as a person. By hearing all of his perspectives on subjects it allows me to be more aware of other people’s views and opinions. I could not have had a better experience with my conversation partner.  

Serious Stuff

Well, I can definitely tell that Tristan is much more comfortable with me at this point in the semester because he has started the last two conversations with extremely serious and controversial topics. I started off the conversation by asking him how his day was going and how he was doing – the normal conversation starters. He responded by telling me he’s had a very long day and I could tell that there was something different about him; he wasn’t as happy as he usually is and he seemed like he was processing my words slower than usual as well. So I asked him what was wrong and why his day had been so long.

            He proceeded to tell me that late the night before he had received a phone call from a friend, who proceeded to tell Tristan that he was planning on killing himself. Obviously extremely worried about his friend, Tristan called a cab and went to go see his friend in a hurry. Needless to say, it was an extremely long night. I don’t feel comfortable sharing all of the details because Tristan confided that information in me and I don’t think they are necessary to share. Do not worry, the friend is now safe and there seems to be no other threats of suicide.

            But our conversation about his friend lead into a deeper conversation about suicide and why we think people do it. It just so happens that the night before our conversation I had watched a documentary on the “suicide forest” in Japan. If you have never heard of it before, it is a dense forest in Japan where people go when they feel they are no longer fit to live in society. Tristan and I began talking about how interesting it is that the tradition of suicide first started with the Japanese Samurai, as a noble way of death and now it has evolved into an escape from the world when people feel like society rejects them. Now of course that is not the only reason people decide to commit the act but we both agreed that it seemed the most prominent reason.        

            This conversation then turned into a conversation about unemployment because we were discussing the fact that some Americans commit suicide because of the economy and their lack of a job. I asked him if he thought this was the case in China and he said it was quite the opposite. He told me that the unemployment situation in China is much better than in the United States because China produces so many goods that factories are always looking for workers, so there are always jobs. I thought that was a good point. Then he went on to say that he thinks it’s remarkable how many people in the United States don’t know where their products are coming from. He has noticed that everything he sees in the United States is mostly made in China and he wonders why because he knows the United States has the capability to produce everything China does. I didn’t really want to get further into the conversation because I felt like it would lead to us arguing about which way is cheapest and who is more powerful in the international market, etc. So I switched the topic of conversation.

            In my Survey of World Music class we had just finished up our chapter on traditional Chinese music, so I was excited to talk to Tristan about it because I actually had some background in the topic. It was an enjoyable conversation – we talked about the different styles of zheng music in different regions of China and how the dynasties influenced music and of course, how Mao influenced Chinese culture. It felt good to finally be able to contribute in a conversation about China, especially since he was impressed with how much I knew about the traditional styles and instruments.

            In my music class, we had learned that the Chinese government was persecuting and taking advantage of minorities in China, such as the Tibetans. We were told that the Chinese government would take Tibetan folk music and say it was Chinese (that they had composed it), exploiting Tibetan achievements and then persecuting them in the process for resisting Chinese rule. I decided to ask Tristan what he thought about the issue because it seemed to me from our past conversations that he can look at the Chinese system of government from both a citizen’s and an outsider’s perspective quite well. I was extremely intrigued by his answer. He told me that the Chinese government did no such thing to the minority groups in China and in fact, gave Tibet millions to billions of Yen every year to help them develop further. I wasn’t going to question his answer because what sense would that make? I would be arguing with him over something I have never experienced or validated to be true, just something I was taught in class. As for the music aspect of exploitation, he said he had never heard of that before. I couldn’t help but think about which one of us was right. Had I been taught the wrong thing? Or had the Chinese government brainwashed him into thinking that they were helping the people they were actually hurting? It then made me question the education system in both countries. Most of the things I have learned about foreign countries while at college have been solely based on what my professors had told me. Now I’m sure that my professors are not purposely lying to me, if the information is, in fact, not true. But, I couldn’t help but think ‘how do I know what I’ve been told is true?’ I had never been to any of the countries that we have talked about and certainly never experienced anything we talked about either. All of my knowledge has come from what professors have told me was true. I must admit that it scared me to think that everything I had been told so far could possibly be a lie and there was probably no way I would ever find out if any of it was true or not.       

            I truly enjoyed this conversation with Tristan because it showed me that he trusts me with personal information. I had become a friend that he could tell his troubles to without hesitation and that meant a lot to me. I believe that trust is extremely important in any kind of social relationship with another person. I also enjoyed it because I was actually familiar with what we talked about when it pertained to China. I also think the moment of reflection I had about my education was important and influential to my attitude about the conversation.

             

I tried to think of a witty title, but I couldn't. Dang.

Today Tristan and I met, for our fourth conversation, in the BLUU auditorium lobby area for our conversation. As soon as the conversation began we started to talk about some pretty deep and controversial topics because he just came from a class where he had to debate gay marriage. We were talking about gay marriage in China as well as in the United States and he said that people here seem to be much more open to gay marriage than in China. We were talking about the fact that some states actually legalized gay marriage and he said that he thinks China is going to pass laws to protect gay rights for people. Since China is so populated they have a high gay population, so it would make sense to pass laws to protect their rights, although right now gay marriage is illegal in China. We both discussed our views on the topic, which were similar to each other, and from there went on to discuss drugs, alcohol, and race.

            He asked me what I thought about the drinking age being 21 in the United States and whether or not I thought that it should be lowered. I had to think about this for a second because I had never really considered what I thought about the law. I told him that I think no matter what the age becomes, people below the age are always going to try and drink. If anything, it would be smarter to raise it to 25 because that is when your brain is considered fully developed. But, raising it to 25 would cause way too many problems because there would be uproar against it. So I decided that it should stay where it is. He said that in China it is 18, but no one enforces the law and he believes it would be smarter if they were stricter about the law and raised it to 21 as well. He said that in China they consume a lot of alcohol and he doesn’t think that they should consume so much, especially at a young age. Then, drunk driving came up. He said that he couldn’t grasp why so many people in America drive while intoxicated and he wondered why they don’t stop because of the harm it is causing so many people. I didn’t have an answer for him. I felt bad that I didn’t have an answer for him because for some reason I feel obligated to have an answer for every question he asks about the United States. Maybe it’s because he always seems to have an answer for me when I ask about China. I think I also fear that I will look ignorant about my own country if I don’t have an answer for him when he asks me a question. Regardless, I had to tell him that I didn’t know why so many people do it and I agreed with him that it is a very bad thing and something that causes a lot of harm that should be stopped.

            After that topic we were talking about fall break. He asked me what I did and whether or not I had a good time and I asked him the same. Small talk. But then he said that he wishes he could get out of this place. That statement really caught me off guard. “What?” I asked, “Why would you say that?” He went on to tell me that he is really stressed out and that he needs to relax, but when he relaxes he gets more behind on things and he stresses out more. Then I realized he is a student just like me. I’m not sure why but I didn’t perceive him as having the same problems as I do and now I realize that it was extremely ignorant and stupid of me to think that way. So I began to talk to him about what was bothering him. He explained that the IEP is giving him a lot of stress because TCU is requiring him to be in the program but the scholarship he receives doesn’t cover the cost, so he has to pay for it with his money. He is frustrated at the fact that he is in the program in the first place, because he failed the English proficiency exam by one point. He said that he already knew how to speak English and to be put in the program just causes more stress and more work on him that he does not have the time for. So I tried to give him a little advice on the situation, but mainly just listened to him talk to me about it. Most of the time, people just need to talk to someone about their problems to get it off of their chest. So I was there to listen to everything that Tristan had to say to try and make him feel a little bit better about what he was going through. I felt really good knowing that he trusted me enough to talk to me about his problems and that he could open up to me and have faith in me to tell me these things. I can’t imagine how hard it is to attend school in another country that speaks a different language and then have something like the IEP program on top of school work. He works really hard every day and I feel bad that he feels as though there is no reward or results at the moment. I gave him some advice and told him to contact me anytime he needed anything and I wouldn’t hesitate to help him out. He ended our conversation by telling me that he always enjoyed meeting with me and always looked forward to it because he always left feeling happy. I returned his comment back to him, because I truly felt the same way. Leaving the auditorium I felt a sense of inner happiness and peace knowing that, even if it was just a little bit, I was relieving some of the stress that Tristan was feeling.